Beauty in Silence

Lately my writing has been stifled by my own insecure nature, as well as my ever racing mind. I’ve found it hardest to write when my mind is in chaos, when the ideas are tumbling and bounding down the hills of my imagination. And then the words become jumbled, and I become frustrated- trying to pull weeds to get to the roses. What a tedious job it is! So once I write a sentence I find imperfections too distracting to continue; and too discouraging to keep on an otherwise a blank page. Perhaps the paper is at times to blame, too crisp I feel I will stain it with the wrong words.

So now here I am, writing, slowly and surely getting one word down at a time.

My mind can be so relentless; perhaps I feed it too often and it can’t digest before I’ve moved on to yet another idea, another word, another dream.

Lately, I’ve been surrounding myself with noise. Silence can be my worst enemy, in that it causes me to fill it with thoughts that become too loud. I choose to plug up my ears with the thoughts of others far too often it would seem. Yet I plead it’s for self-preservation.

Today though, I’ve chosen to write in silence- save for the fan whirring in the distance, the clatter of my fingers on the keys, and the occasional ‘meow’ from Scout. And sometimes, this is liberating. I can will myself to be anywhere my mind chooses. At this moment, I have chosen 19^th century England, the birthplace of Jane Austen as well as her fine literary characters. At times such as these I like to imagine myself as Miss Elizabeth Bennet; so passionate and fiery and so ready for an adventure.

I often wonder what it was like to live in such a time; where there was only silence and the every so often conversation. I imagine mankind was far better off with less distractions; I curse the day head phones were created- as it seems I can’t bear a moment without some sort of music or voice flowing in through my ears. Yet imagine, our ancestors knew not of such noise. How did they live?

Perhaps it was much the same state I am in at the present- at peace. It’s wonderful to feel at peace in silence- considering how rarely I experience it. It’s become a sort of chicken vs. the egg situation, in that I do not know which created the cycle- the silence or the noise? Was I running away from either, or both?

A part of me revels in distraction- not procrastination, mind you- namely the distraction from my thoughts, from the critic living inside my head. And I’ve learned that loud volumes can drown out the nonsense; as well as the pile up of information found in books. Often, have I wondered, if this is healthy. My gut tells me no, so does my mind. I suppose I should start listening.

So today, I established a goal- to embrace the bore of silence. Rather than run from my thoughts, I will embrace them on a more frequent level- with openness of mind. Yet I also would like to imagine more- save from the anxious scenarios I put myself through each and every day. No, I would like to imagine myself in peace, as I am doing today. And it’s a real peace, one tangible and full of the things I love and admire.

Maybe I need to take a lesson from Scout- she manages just fine in her own little world.

Isn’t that right, Scout?

“Meeoooww.”

I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, Scout.

I've now noticed that this particular post is just more or less my rambling thoughts, with no real string tying them together. I promise to deliver next time I sit down at my keyboard...

But regardless, Scout and I wish you a  

Happy Reading.